Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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