I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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