your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Let's get the cat blown out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
