Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
