see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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