You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
