I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize