Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
