Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
