pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Panties = found
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
