Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
