Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This girl is more easily done than said...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize