he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
