don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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