this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
