I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
