Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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