You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
