I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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