So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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