I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
