my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
