I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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