I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
