i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
