im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ketchup is God's man juice
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
