okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
