all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
