Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
