we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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