i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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