But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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