And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize