what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
