my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
