When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
