Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
