NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
