I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
