he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm passing your future prison.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So. Much. Porn.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize