My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
