He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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