So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
