mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
