just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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