I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
