FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
