Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
