R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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