My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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