i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
