Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So squirting runs in the family.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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