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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
