um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
