I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize