and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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