be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
