Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize