Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
bring money and cleavage
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can't just leave with hair like that
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
