Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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