I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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