I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
