what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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