giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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